so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she told me i tasted like america
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
