He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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