I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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