mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
