I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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