My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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