I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
