two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize