I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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