I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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