When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
