You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
