Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
