Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
