Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
