pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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