My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
