I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
