Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
