you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize