when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
