thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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