I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the liver wants what the liver wants
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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