Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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