i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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