My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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