Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
