I think i peed on brittanys purse
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize