I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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