...so i touched it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
