it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
