I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
