In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
