We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize