Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
