Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
