Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
