why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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