dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
