If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
