let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
