i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
