What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
