I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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