The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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