I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
