I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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