How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
