this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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