I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
