it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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