I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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