I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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