Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
