she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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