I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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