Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
