I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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