There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
