My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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