I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
