i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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