ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
