God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
