tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
