quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
