i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
