Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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