I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My vagina just recognized that song.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
