If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
