So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
