elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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