Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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