Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
