i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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